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Way back, many years back, in the ding-doodly spring of 1995, MacAfee read the book The Hot Zone and wanted to write a book relating to the Ebolla virus.
Unfortounately for him (and not necessarily for me) he began it on my computer. So once he left, I had free play of his little novelette. Aren't I the little devil?
Needless to say, he didn't really mind all that much. I was kinda hoping for a bigger reaction. To make a long story short, he never returned to his little book.
Oh well. His loss.
So, here, for the first time on the Internet, is this tale ...
Absolutely amazing, eh? Yes, indeed.
The Basket Case
Basket Case, that's me, pretty much.
I'm not talking about the song, this is just the introduction to my book. In reference to my recent reading of The Hot Zone, it's about the ebolla virus. Now say "ebolla" ten times fast. The ebolla virus is spreading and there is no way to stop it. It's more dangerous than AIDs. The "Basket Case"who brought it over to the U.S. (by shipping those ---- monkeys) must of had some idea of the danger. Of course, that was in the early stage of the panic and not many people knew about the virus. Some time ago, those monkeys were killed, along with the virus. But imagine what could happen in the future. In the near future. Welcome to The Twilight Zone!!! Dun-dun-daa!!!
Chapter 1- The Extinction of Mankind: Jason's Theory
Before you read this chapter, I'd like you to know that it was all written before the panic, by David Jeff Smith, THE WEIRD GUY WHO STRUTS AROUND JEFFERSON JR. HIGH SCHOOL LIKE HE OWNS THE PLACE. Those @#*$ monkeys did it to him!
(Insert by Jason who will saw your head off)
Chapter 2- A Brief Summary of Time
HI!!!!!!! I'm Peter Graves! Tonight on A&E's Biography, we take a look at the life of...
...ME!!!!!!!! PETER GRAVES!!!!!! Tonight... on Biography!!!
Chapter 3- How to Scat
There! Verrrrry good! Now try this: Dwascoobidydoodopdopitydoowappitydooo!
Now, make one up for yourself! Enjoy!
Chapter 4- Multiplying with exponents
What does 343 × 436 = ______
Chapter 5- Farting in Public
Just stop off at Taco Bell and buy 8 bean burritos, 5 Taco Supremes, and 9 packages of those little Cinnamon Doodles. Eat it all. Yummy! Now walk out onto the street and blow away that Lady with the little poodle. Now that tourist from Nebraska. Now get that old guy, Mr. President, and Newt. Head across the street for Jill, sure, it will take twice as much fart gas, but, seeing her fly through the air might be funny. What's even more funny is seeing her land on Vice President Al Gore with a unappetizing thwump. Now walk over to the six-mile deep crater made
by Jill. Look down, and fart down it so Hades comes up and complains about the heat. Run away. Stop in the street and fart down the gas tank on Lesile's Junky Funky Jalopy. Watch it putt down the street before blowing into three trillion pieces. Laugh at him when he smashes into the pavement two feet away from you. Go away on your merry little way.
Chapter 6- Dealing with Aliens
1. Rent those Aliens movies along with Secrets of the Unknown: UFOs and Yodeling Made Easy, Why is Mommy a Drunk Slob Who Drools All Over The Rug, Why Isn't My Hamster Moving?, and Why Did We Put Grandma in a Home? along with Who's My Biological Parents?, Why is Mommy Younger Than Me?, What Smells Funky?: The Les Tipping Story and Do You Smell Gas?: The Jill Gulch Story, and watch them.
2. Do what the movies teach you.
3. Hop in your time machine, travel back to 1954, go to the nearest corner cafe and order a chocolate malt.
4. Make funny animal sound for two hours.
5. Ship me $8,001.
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"The Basket Case -or- Habib"
©1995, Bryan MacAfee and Joshua Gulch. All Rights Reserved.
Page engaged 10 March 2002.
Last updated 10 March 2002.
© 1998-, JG Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.