Deep Thoughts with Ian


"Deep Thoughts with Ian" is a vaguely updated excursion into the mind and soul of Ian Malcolm, message board philosopher extraordinaire.

October 1, 2004 | 9:15 AM

i finally went out and got the mcdonalds breakfast, and god damn it, it was good.


September 24, 2004 | 9:28 AM

sometimes early in the morning i'll be sitting at my desk at work thinking, "man, if i run right now, i can still catch mcdonalds breakfast".

i'll never get that breakfast.


July 2, 2004 | 11:46 AM

trying to get things straight in my own mind.

the system of the world. if you could know the location, movement and vibration of everything single particle in the entire universe at any given moment of time you would know all. and then using our laws of physics ( or better, our observations of physics, or the system) we could predict the movement and flow of said particles due to simple cause and effect. for instance, on a grander scale (but all connected) the wind does not blow for no reason. the waves dont rise and fall because they feel like it. things happen for a reason and they happen because other things happen for a reason. for instance, the wind, what does the wind rely on? the moon, the bodies of water, other winds, trees, the sun, the atmosphere...an almost impossible number of variables. but if you could compute and understand the workings of all those variables and their connections with others you'd be able to predict the wind, and in the process more than likely everything else in the world. and to know this would be to know god.

this is a hard concept to explain, and works out best if you are god believing. if you arent it works as well, but you first have to suffer the internal hurdles of admitting that the universe (and multiverse) are both never beginning and never ending and have existed always simply because to not exist is impossible ( i'm not chinese, dont ask me to explain). so lets say there is a creator, a god. this god creates the heavens and the earth. he is in fact much like a computer programmer. he is the creator, the designer and the maker of rules. and in this world of his creating he sets its limitations and has control over all that is in it and how everything should/will function. this is why god is all knowing, because he knows all. straight forward huh? now, all knowing god decides to create life. and he does it much the same as he does the world, from the ground up (adam was made of mud, no ground up pun intended though), and he knows all about life, how it functions, what its rules are and what its limitations are. he knows, in his infinite wisdom that when man (or other life, man is my example from here on) is faced with a situation he will respond to it in a given way due to his programming. after all man got his programming from god, and is in gods world, so god can predict whats going to happen before it does happen.

"but wait ian, you rambling hack", you say! "that cannot be right! we dont get taught by god, and surely we arent directly created by god, we get our genetics from our parents and our education from our parents/schools/environment not some all knowing being."

and you'd be right. thats what i thought at first. but think about it, where does your genetics/school education/environment come from? the world of course. the first man, or man ape, or single celled organism lived in its environment, and environment with set rules. and it must live according to those rules like it or not. now just like a computer character in a video game its movements, actions, and thoughts are all predictable if you are the creator due to simple cause and effect and input from the environment. the input you receive from the environment is predicatable from the day you are created. your parents are the same way, and their parents before them, each generation a little more complicated to trace back. but because your parents have their reasoning systems configured one way they will treat you in a certain way that they deem to be correct. what you are shown, taught and inputed are predictable due to the predictablity of your parents and their great great great great great grandparents.

so now you are created and you have a reasoning pattern (that is very complex) that is known due to your own predictability to the all knowing creator. this all knowing creator knows all. how many times have you heard of god being all knowing and just let it roll by without giving it much thought?

this being said, free will is existent but only as a concept in our predictable minds. we make choices, but the outcome of those choices can be predicted by the all knowing due to the cause and effect of our very nature and our world.

i like to believe that one day mankind will be powerful and smart enough to be able to grasp this. once we can grasp this we shall know the face of god. we will not however become gods. only if we can change the ever winding strings of fate, structure and cause and effect would we become like gods.

i'm crazy, and cristine says i'm predictable.

Part DeuX:

lately i've been thinking more and more about the system of the world. which is a title i dont really care for as its not all inclusive enough, but how do you summarize the entire multiverse into a short and descriptive title? and anyways, i got to thinking, why bother thinking about it? why question reality? what good is going to be accomplished by thinking about the reason behind cause and effect and the patterns that make up the universe? even if the theory is correct, what good is it going to do in our macro universe that physics hasnt already been able to do? i guess you could argue that physics would be nothing more than cliffs notes and the system would be the impossible to understand ancient text that if you can decipher would give you vast insight into the authors mind.

but why bother? what is reality other than whats in front of you? whats in front of you is whats important. and you dont even need to fully understand whats in front of you down to the string level to understand that my car is my car, the ground is under my feet, the concrete is unlevel here and the air is warm and humid. i came to this realization when i was thinking about what makes up the ground and the building and the door and when stuck in my thought, i bashed my foot into the door jam. smooth move ian. focusing on the small and forgetting the large gets you no where but stubbed toes.

and then this morning it dawned on me. i started humming some pink floyd and a lyric came to me. "all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be". what a drugged out disjointed piece of wisdom that is right there. think about it. by focusing only on the macro scale of things, you close the door. you limit all of reality (reality being what you percieve in this case) to your five senses, instead of allowing your 5 senses to act as input for the great reasoning and questioning machine that is the human brain. i dont know if i want to rely totally on my base inputs alone. we should all be aware after all that all of our five senses can be fooled at any given moment in time, and yet we put so much trust into them. isnt that a message in life? if your input is wrong, then your reasoning processes will be wrong as a result. no wonder people are so misguided these days.


April 12, 2004 | 6:48 AM

i hate those chocolate pebbles cereal commercials.

when i was growing up i thought that barney was an alright guy. he was always trying to help, he always had a sunny disposition, and he would do anything for a friend.

then along comes these cheap cereal commercials, and all of a sudden he's some backstabbing jerk. that cereal company ruined the flintstones for me. now whenever i watch the cartoon i keep thinking about how barney is screw everyone over. hes like the shows own personal Iago.


February 21, 2004 | 3:55 PM

obvious observations.

i dont know why, but it didnt dawn on me till today that Nero Cd burning software is probably in reference to the mad emperor Nero who burnt half of Rome to the ground. todays been a good day


February 7, 2004 | 2:57 PM

so the bathrooms lights in the AV building at Owens are all automatic. Cool idea huh? you walk in and the light turns on. Probably stays on for about 15 or 20 minutes. saves them on power.

ok, well heres my thinking. what if you were doing your business in a stall, you know, really *going to town*, and it took a little longer than that amount of time. what would you do? sit in the dark? or would you get up with your pants around your ankles, half way through sausage making to go get in the way of the sensor by the door. hmm. delima.

luckily i dont poo in public


November 26, 2003 | 9:41 AM

why do they put little plastic covers on the urinal cakes? are they afraid that the urinal cakes are going to get up and run away? or are they afraid people are going to steal them?

if someone ones one bad enough i say let them have it


November 26, 2003 | 9:30 AM

i've been reading about leibniz. he was one of newtons rivals. they were basically thinking the same way, but they couldnt see eye to eye. both created calculus. he also worked on creating some of the first calculating machines to progress thought.

anyways, he was at his core a religous man, as were most people of the time. and he was seeking through science to understand the nature of god. but he had a deliema. if there was an all knowing, creating god than there should be a world that is perfect and in absolute harmony. free will is irrelevant in a world where there is an all knowing creator because he created you and gives you certain abilities and he created the world you are in. with these variables set there can exist "free will" but the all knowing creator will know what you are going to do given the equation. if the all knowing, and loving, creator knows this then why is there hate and war and crime? what is evil? is evil created by god?

for further example. 1+1 always = 2. thats the most basic level. at a more complex level, i know that if i create a program that will react to given situations according to its environment (variables) i can determine what solution it is going to come up with. why? because i am the creator. i am the writer of the equation, and the equations that equate the variables. the program makes the decision, but i already know what its going to do.

leibniz was an interesting fellow


July 21, 2003 | 3:06 PM

josh is the only one who ever enters his email address when he posts. whats up with that?


February 22, 2003 | 12:59 AM

dagon2099: damn chocolate
dagon2099: i eat the stuff like im on the rag


October 15, 2002 | 12:26 PM

which is the up side on a pringle?


September 3, 2002 | 7:55 AM

the after taste of my mouth wash tastes like banananananananananas.


August 19, 2002 | 7:58 AM

am i crazy? everymorning when i open up my office, and unluck my closet door, i half suspect to see a bloody dead body, and some crazy hyper guy in there with blood all over him and he looks over at me and he says "shhhhhh". oh well, hasnt happened yet.


August 13, 2002 | 3:31 PM

throw a stone into the sea
and wait for it to come back to me,
better get out on the boat
cuz someone told me that stones don't float


July 15, 2002 | 8:04 AM

hmm, i learned an important lesson today. its a well known fact that life is out to get all of us. its just a law of nature, life and the world will do anything in its power to defeat you, and make your life harder than it really has to be. but you can use this power for your advantage!!

for instance: today on my way to work (a 15 minute drive on average) i brought along a newspaper article i wanted to read, so i'd have something to read on the many stop lights that grace the great street alexis. and heres where the life trying to screw me thing comes into play. the world knew that i wanted to read this article at the stops, so it did everything in its power to make no stops, i made every light, and there were virtually no cars on the road. i made a 15 minute drive in 8 to 9 minutes(took leave of my house at 7:31, arrived at work at around 7:40). i then i sat in the parking lot and pondered what i learned before reading my article. perhaps i can use this power for my advantage!!! perhaps i can bend the very fabric of time and space itself! do what no man has ever done before, look the cosmos in the eye and laugh!! and then after this i shrugged my shoulders and dragged myself into work, took a deep breath and started running my morning reports.


April 24, 2002 | 8:10 AM

hmm, how would you feel if you were the last human being in the universe and you were dying? and you knew that when you died there would be no more humans anywhere, ever again.


April 23, 2002 | 12:10 AM

why do old men waddle so much when the walk? when you grow old do you turn into a duck perhaps? this does not seem very likely. perhaps i should start throwing bread crumbs at the elderly as a test......


April 22, 2002 | 8:19 AM

hmm, maybe i'm crazy, but wouldnt you guys like to see the alice in chains guy's dead body? they always flirt the idea with you on tv and radio saying that "at first the corpse couldnt have been identified due to decomposition". how bad could it have been! im curious. the same goes with kurt cobaine. supposedly they didnt identify him at first either because he dont popped his head right open. im sure theres a bunch of other celebrity corpses out there that people would like to see as well......


April 19, 2002 | 8:51 AM

i was talking online this morning with a friend of mine when i realized how weird i must have looked. i was sitting at my computer, chugging coffee, blaring white zombie, paying my bills with scooby doo checks writing with pens that have my name on them. and i think to myself "whoa, this is pretty f*ed up".


April 14, 2002 | 10:22 PM

why isnt it that when i've been drinkin i confess all of my sins to people. hmm, this probbly isnt a good habit to get into. perhaps its the good part of me trying to come out. i wonder if i was drunk all the time if i'd be nicer to people..........nah, i'd probably just pee on dan.


April 10, 2002 | 7:00 AM

are you sick of dan? i think we should remove dan from existence. what if dan is a figment of our imaginations. if we all just believed that dan doesnt exist. perhaps he'll dissappear.


April 9, 2002 | 1:48 PM

i think people would be more productive if they were aloud to smoke in their own buildings or at least in their offices. it seems like over half the people i work with smoke, and they often leave the office and stand outside to smoke and shoot the ****. not break time, but smoke time. hmmm, so lets say they take 3 or 4 trips out to smoke a day thats about 20 mins a day per person, at 20 minutes a day time about 25 people thats about 42 hours a week time that could have been spent working. but instead, was burnt up outside. we could hire anouther person on the time wasted alone. god bless america.


March 7, 2002 | 1:44 PM

as i sit here, eating my elfin crackers, i realized they say they have 2 grams of fat per serving. well i think to myself, "self, what is the definition of serving?". self's answer was that a serving is whatever the company wants. so i'm going to make really fatty food like potato chips and say the serving is like 2 chips, and then put on the front of the bag 0.5 grams of fat a serving!!!! and i'd make a fortune. or perhaps i should just stop playing with my food.


February 25, 2002 | 8:12 PM

maybe its just me, but i think that our "war on terrorism" is a little misguided. lets think about these huge organizations. they need money to operate. where do they get that money you ask? not from oil the governments suck that money up. its from the opium they grow which they then make into herion and sell to americans and english people alike. its my idea that we kill off all the junkies. i think its a win win situation. no more terrorists, no more people eating my trash....sounds good to me.


February 4, 2002 | 3:39 PM

I think it speaks volumes about how little we value basic education in America that only one of the Three Rs actually begins with the letter R


January 29, 2002 | 10:00 AM

whats up with tooth paste? it tastes good abd refreshing while brushing your teeth, but the next morning, it can be the most disgusting taste in the universe.


January 25, 2002 | 12:35 AM

some people smell like gasoline at owens and i dont know why. if i lit a match, would they explode?


January 14, 2002 | 7:00 AM

if john lennon was the walrus, and jim morrison was the lizard king. then who am i? im having an animal identity problem.


January 12, 2002 | 1:38 PM

do we have a white castle around here? and if not, why?


December 21, 2001 | 12:28 AM

dagon2099: some church girls gave my family a pamphlet and christmas cookies
dagon2099: and no one in my family will touch the cookies
g0NeboY: ha ha ha
dagon2099: we think the church is trying to kill us


November 15, 2001 | 9:45 AM

if i only had one tooth, i think i'd brush it for a really long time.


August 17, 2001 | 12:40 AM

you know the day destroys the night, and the night divides the day.



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Engaged April 12, 2004 | Updated October 19, 2004